I have recurring images from that day that pop into my head at random times... Brady and I changing her into the blue surgery gown; carrying her down the long hallway and catching graphic glimpses of the other ORs in progress; holding her tiny hand and kissing her goodbye while she went under; clasping her amber necklace in my sweaty hand while we waited upstairs and watched the clock; sitting with our neurosurgeon as he drew a picture of her spine and told us he had to cut a piece away to be tested for some other awful thing; leaning against the wall next to Brady, outside the recovery room doors, waiting for them to let us see our baby; sitting next to her for HOURS in recovery and feeling sick about the morphine they were giving her; looking down at her puffy face when I was finally allowed to nurse her in our pediatric unit room; trying to comfort her scared and painful cries while she slept; holding her by the window the next morning and watching the red and pink sunrise over Brooklyn.
It is such a surreal feeling to have the worst day of your life, a living nightmare, also be the greatest day that brought hope for a "normal" future. Brady and I continue to be grateful every day for Millie's wonderful doctors, nurses, and everyone we've never met who contributed to this amazing world of modern medicine.
On a lighter note, here are some ordinary things the bunny did yesterday, which could also be considered miraculous things depending on your perspective :)
On January 3rd, 2014, Millie...
- climbed up the stairs 7 times
- walked, bumscooted, and hopped down the stairs 7 times
- used the pot 6 times
- stood on a chair to help make granola and pizza dough
- kneeled on the floor and sat at her table to draw and paint her Christmas thank-you cards
- played "run back and forth while yelling like Tarzan" (a new game she learned from her cousins!)
- squatted down to feed the cats treats 2 times
- bent down to scoop dinner into the cat bowls
- climbed up into her high chair 3 times
- walked to her snack cabinet for a bowl and cup... about a million times
- climbed onto the couch to look at the snow out the window 3 times
- danced to The Doors record and also to Mama's silly singing
- paced back and forth while rocking her babies/animals to sleep
1-3-13 . Baby Millie recovering in the "crib cage" as we called it:
luckily we convinced the nurse to let us co-sleep:
1-3-14 . Free as a Bird: Millie recently learned from Gaga how to "say cheese!"
It's kind of fun that her surgery was at the beginning of January... puts a whole new emphasis on Happy New Year!